La Rocka! Brando Jacket Restoration - Byte 1 [Series III-V + VII + Back To Earth]

You see, the thing about a vintage jacket, its main distinguishing feature, is it's black. And the thing about space, your basic space colour, is it's black. So, how are you supposed to see 'em?

Well, you keep an eagle eye on the usual outlets and hope for the best. This week, the rare opportunity arose for me to pick up an authentic La Rocka! Brando cut - the very same consecutively worn by Craig Charles between Series III-V, and beyond. This proved to be an excellent and inventive decision, with just two minor drawbacks:

1) I haven't been a size Large since I was 22
2) I haven't been a size Large since I was 22

On eagerly accepting the carefully-wrapped parcel, the first thing I noticed upon opening it was the genuine smell of forty-year old, topflight leather. The material has that easy movement, expected for its age, and carries a premium feel that warrants its lasting value. Its simple ball-and-chain zippers... its bold and stark velvet trim... I'm surprised I had the Dollarpounds to afford it. It's just gorgeous.

I was aware, on purchase, that the jacket could do with some TLC. Having already given it a quick wave of the Psi-Scan, being largely comprised of organic material, the leather has lost a fair bit of protective deep colour, reverting to shades of brown and copper throughout. 

There's a small but heavily-worn patch of damage on the shoulder that requires some attention. The leather has wrinkled quite a bit, and a number of brass grommets supporting the side venting have developed a slight but noticeable verdigris patina.

The belt is also missing, but I hear this is a common occurrence that befell Lister sometime after his first and final confrontation with Hudzen 10, concluding The Last Day - named not in reference to the date of Kryten's service contract expiry, but rather Lister's inability to securely fasten his favourite piece of clothing, henceforth.

So, moving forward... hmm... what to do... what to do..?

When all is said and done, I just don't think I can bring myself to modify this jacket into a screen-accurate replica. The patches have been tricky enough to find, and the prospect of vandalising the piece for accuracy's sake just feels, well, wrong.

Furthermore, there are multiple variants of the jacket - the Series III jacket is markedly different to that seen during Series V, for instance. I wouldn't be able to decide on one particular look. When the time comes to restore the finish, even the process of dyeing may prove tricky. Due to pigmentation variation, either a cool purple black, or warm bronze black will need to be settled on, ahead of time. Or, is it the other way round..?

When all is said and done, these snags, physical or perceived, may best be fixed by simply going the prequel route...

With Red Dwarf Titan currently in the offing, I shall endeavour to restore this jacket to its former glory, as in when Lister first picked it up. According to the most recent continuity, the jacket was purchased by our favourite space-bum in a second-hand shop on Mimas, which, dependent on orbital paths, is only about a million kilometres up the road from that particular up-and-coming destination spot.

Now, I may only have a copy of the Junior Encyclopedia of Space to hand, but using Earth as a starting point, Red Dwarf would first encounter either Titan or Mimas depending on a plethora of navigational factors. We know, according to Petersen, that the mining ship is on course for Triton at least, which lines up with his claim that the vessel's top speed is 200,000mph. A comfortable cruising speed of around 136,990mph would comfortably get you from Earth to Triton and back in 54 months.

Anyway, I really like my new jacket, even though I just have to dislocate both shoulders, pop them behind my ears, and slip between the sleeves to wear it. Anyone got an XL going for a few pennycents?

Stay tuned for jacket updates, fellow Jacketeers!

/ /   I N C O M I N G   M E S S A G E   / /

Well, it was bound to get more interesting, wasn't it? Bun, the delightful previous owner of the jacket who sold it to me, has very kindly dropped us a line to say she used to hang out with Craig and Danny John-Jules back in the day. I mean, of course she did.

Furthermore, joining Rob and Amanda's jacket-centric anecdotes from previous articles, she has shared her own tale of determination in purchasing the garment itself...

"The only reason I had been able to buy this (very beloved) jacket was because my cousin Spider worked at Johnsons in Kensington Market and offered his staff discount, I saved up ferociously for over a year! I bought mine in (I think) 1984 and as you know its basic shape aimed to be a replica of Marlon Brando's in The Wild One, as worn in the iconic image......I hope all of this vague rambling helps...."

So, this jacket pre-dates the first crossing of paths between Craig, La Rocka! and Red Dwarf, then? Blimey.

Thanks so much again to Bun for sharing her lovely story!